Finding my way – a love story.

As I begin to wrap up 2018, my mind wanders to the accomplishments of the past 12 months. There’s always the expectation that life will move faster in the areas I want…from financial success to achieving health goals. On the flip-side of that I’m shocked and appalled by how quickly my children are growing! I see photos of my oldest son, now 14, just four years ago and it hurts my heart. Older women used to stop me at the grocery store and smile at my gaggle of kids and comment on how quickly it goes. I understood they were coming from a place of love and nostalgia but it didn’t make a dent in my desire to get those kids home and later that day, get them into bed in the in the most timely fashion possible. Nostalgia is funny is that way – I’d give my arm to go back to one of those days, even if it was the most exhausting day ever, and kiss my babies. But we can only wish for that kind of backwards travel from a future place – and that requires time. Evolution is necessary to appreciate the past.

So as I look back at 2018, I also give gratitude for the balance I have brought into my life. I’ve learned to appreciate the natural pace of life, even when my impatient self is willing things to move faster. I appreciate the smaller moments; the bedtime kisses and cuddles, the authentic laughter shared with my teenager, the glass of wine with my husband after a long day, the funny text message from a friend that sets me off into fits of laughter. Life’s not a race but more like a stroll. I challenge myself every day to take in the moments – the small, tedious ones and the big, happy ones. When you wrap them up together, they add up to ALL.

If I could time travel and go back to myself at 14, I’d tell her to ignore everything else and focus all her energies on feeling good. When you feel good on the inside, really good, everything else falls into place. Find ALL the ways to feel good and stay there as long as you can.  I wish I had known that earlier, or more consistently, in my life. It’s such a simple trick but it can feel impossible until we really commit to it. Just remember: practice makes perfect. 

There is something so liberating about stepping into the person I have become. To name the things I accept – and gracefully acknowledge that this is a process that will continue to evolve. I am certain I will not reach the finish line in this lifetime…especially since my route seems to change every day. But I am certainly going to enjoy the stroll, sometimes more like a frantic jog, and embrace my moments.

I wish the same for you. Namaste!

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